i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
