I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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