I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize