So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
