I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
