I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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