like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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