I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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