She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I want her autograph on my taint
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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