in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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