when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
