GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
