FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
