"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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