I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im part way to drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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