When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
