my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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