We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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