She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
