Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
