THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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