real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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