my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My penis needs a shock collar
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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