I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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