Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
