i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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