If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
