You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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