Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
