Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Randomize
