i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
