I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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