she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
