I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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