A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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