I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
