so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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