And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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