I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
