A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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