dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
