whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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