pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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