We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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