i barfeds in our rink
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
