Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
