Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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