Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
