Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i barfeds in our rink
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
