Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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