Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
