it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
