She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
