He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
