I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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