Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
