I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
