That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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