Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
tell me about the eggs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
