did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
