best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
