you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
