I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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