I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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