One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
