I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
