Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize