I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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