And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
