I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
