I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
where does the pee come out of this thing
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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