in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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