yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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