Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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