I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
