a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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