i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Damn victory sex feels great
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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