Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
