Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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