she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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