you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize