What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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