OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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