I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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