now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're like the curious george of whores
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
