Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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