Four minutes until I can fart!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
