I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
