that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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