so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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