Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
