Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
