Duck Duck Cougar?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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