you would pick up someone in the library
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
