My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
