I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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