Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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