Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
