We're facebook friends in real life
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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