IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He passed out mid-signature
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
