Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
