guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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