So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
