I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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