I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
