But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize