he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
