im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
