tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
