dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
wow bdsm is so cute
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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